USSF, USYS, the Red Bull League and the Y League may be entering an interesting chapter in their history. Unnamed sources report the Obama administration is considering opening investigations into several areas of the aforementioned organizations as soon as the stimulus bill has been passed.

   According to the unnamed sources Obama has asked Al Gore to investigate the environmental impacts of these youth soccer organizations especially concerning their carbon footprints. Although both Al Gore and the Obama Administration have refused official comment sources report the investigation is close to moving full steam ahead. While there are conflicting stories concerning the causes of the investigation most experts point to Obama’s summer trip to Hawaii and Al Gores late spring trip to Chicago.

   In an unreported story last year, Obama was forced to change his last minute family vacation to Waikiki because of the lack of available seats on commercial flights due to the thousands of soccer players and their families descending on the Hawaii for the USYS Regional last summer. Obama was reported to be furious at the inconvenience and was incredulous that a youth soccer organization could halt his last minute plans.

   During the same time period, Al Gore was experiencing a similar fate in Chicago albeit with a different organization – the United States Soccer Association or USSF. Although not all of the facts of his trip are  clear it seems Gore and his wife Tipper were headed to Chicago for a speech on carbon footprints at a global warming convention. Gore was forced to circle the Chicago O Hare Airport for over an hour while waiting for permission to land causing a huge footprint by the global warming meister himself.

   An O Hare Airport spokesperson blamed the huge number of youth soccer players leaving the area as the USSF National Developmental League Academy Showcase event ended that morning. Gore missed his speech as his private Lear Jet was forced to circle the city for an hour before landing and was later criticized by the Czech delegation.

  Later in the summer, Obama and Gore met during Obama’s European trip where the topic of airport congestion was raised. While recounting their stories of airport gridlock they realized the common denominator of their summer snafu was youth soccer players traveling in great packs. Gore expressed concern about the carbon footprint left by excessive traveling soccer players to Obama, who duly agreed with the earth meister.

   Hosting the two, German Chancellor Merkel was reportedly bemused by the stories of traveling soccer players, an oddity in her land. Merkel, a former member of the notorious BVB Ultras, the hard core fans of German Soccer giant Borusia Dortmund, was incredulous there was a traveling soccer league. Although she once traveled with the BVB fans she had never heard of traveling your youth players. In fact sources say she could not quite grasp the concept.

    While Merkel refused comment, a person close to the German Chancellor offered the following comment, “The Americans have traveling youth soccer teams, we have traveling circuses, this may explain their ball control.”

   Although Obama vowed to attack the problem of youth soccer organizations travel requirements if elected, Gore and he agreed, according to sources, to wait until after the election due to the importance of the soccer vote to the Obama election efforts. Three weeks after the inauguration the two have united and now they have other Obama Administration officials on board.
  

   Adding fuel to the investigation fire, sources say Obama flew to Chicago last week for a pickup basket ball game only for Air force One to be delayed fifteen minutes by air traffic control. As he prepared to use a public restroom he noticed the secret service clearing out a team of soccer players reputed to be headed to a Red Bull National League Match. Convinced the Red Bull League participants were responsible for his delay Obama lost his customary cool and was reported to have screamed at an aide, “ Another National Youth Soccer League, what the hell are these people doing…..who is in charge?”

  USYS and USSF Officials have been mum about the investigation so far but sources report they are more nervous about the travel cost figures, with estimates of millions squandered, than the enormous carbon footprint of the organization’s National Soccer Leagues. They are worried they may have gone to far in requesting stimulus monies to prop up their leagues.

   One unnamed source close to the USSF gave the following view of the situation, “People are heading for cover, it is one thing to have a carbon footprint or for loan companies to give bad loans, but we have soccer experts who have convinced ordinary folks to spend their money flying around the country…..for a few soccer games.”

   While it is not clear how many of the millions being spent on travel have come from now foreclosed homes privately soccer leaders are expressing major problems on the horizon, “Red Bull, USSF, Y League, US Club, USYS all of these guys are going to be hauled in front of the US Congress to testify, Barney Frank is steaming mad and concerned about the effect the travel requirements are having on the housing crisis….the ripple effect upon the economy could be huge.”

   “At five to eight thousand dollars a player you are talking major money here, once they look into the tournament industrial complex things could get ugly”, said a youth soccer official, "Looking at it now it may seem ludicrous but at the time everyone was starting a national league and the pressure to create one was enormous. We ignored the problems and enjoyed the heady days of flying to Lancaster and beyond."

  “I am afraid the days of traveling on the parents dime may be coming to an end”, complained one coach, “And I just got into the travel soccer business…..damn it I was planning a trip home to England with my team next summer.”

Farfetched News Service